Tzedakah Begins at Home

By ROBERTA COLTON

Train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old, he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)

When I was growing up in Houston, Texas, in the 1950s, my parents had separate volunteer commitments. My father attended endless organizational meetings, mostly at night, and my mother kept the books for Hadassah, co-led my Brownie troop, and solicited door-to-door for United Way. That was about all I knew about my family's involvement in community service.

By the time I had my own children, in the 80's, things were changing. Like most parents, my husband and I each had careers, so our time was at a premium. But we'd entered the age of "hands on" parenting, wanting not only to teach our children about tzedakah and tikkun olam, but also to experience these precious moments with them.

Like Andrea Pion, who takes her three children along when she does her volunteer work at Temple Emunah, a Conservative synagogue in Lexington, Mass. "It gets them used to the idea of helping others," says Pion, who chairs the kitchen committee. She is in charge of stocking kitchen supplies for "onegs" and other synagogue events, as well as preparing and serving the food. Her daughters, Alexis, 7, Sara, 5, and Rebecca, 3, help her unload and put away supplies, and serve sweets for onegs.

Today, many parents want to serve with their families. "Putting money in a tzedakah box is just not enough to teach children their responsibility for taking care of their community," says Rabbi Sydney Mintz of Temple Emanu El in San Francisco. "Parents want mitzvot to be very concrete for their children."

Fortunately, there are now many opportunities for families--like "Chicken Soupers," a program of Jewish Family Children's Services of San Francisco (JFCS) in which families from two synagogues take turns shopping, cooking, and delivering meals to Jewish men and women with AIDs. Started 12 years ago, the program is so popular that it has been expanded and has inspired five others.

Involving entire families makes helping others seem to be a normal part of life, says Rachel Kesselman, volunteer supervisor at JFCS.

Jani Stein of San Francisco also takes to heart the line in the V'ahavta (which follows the Sh'ma in Deuteronomy 6:4) "and you shall teach the mitzvot to your children." Most weekday evenings, Jani and her husband and three children "are all busy doing our own thing: soccer, studying, music lessons, working late," she says. "But, we all look forward to our turn making dinner together at the Homeless Shelter." Jani, who is almost legally blind, cannot go out at night by herself. But, with the help of her children and husband, she manages to shop, cook a four-course meal for 85 homeless men, serve and clean up. "It reminds us how lucky we are to be inside on a rainy night, and how hard it must be for the homeless," Jani says.

In Nashville, TN., Reform Temple Ohabei Shalom participates in a citywide program, "Room at the Inn," by sheltering 13 homeless men once a week during the winter--giving them dinner, breakfast, and a bag lunch, as well as a place to sleep. Ten year old Jacob Saks loves to serve meals, according to his mother, Ceci, who involved all of her children in community service at an early age. "I used to take Freya (now 19 and a college sophomore) and Benny (15) with me when I was delivering Meals on Wheels to the elderly," she remembers. "They were only 6 and 2 years old, and couldn't really help me, but the old people loved to see them."

Pat Halpern, chair of the temple's social action committee, is another firm believer in involving young children in activities, as long as they are age-appropriate. Her sons, ages 6 and 8, accompany her when it's her turn to prepare dinner for Room in the Inn. "I want them to know and understand our responsibility as Jews to create a more caring and compassionate society," she says.

DarrellAnn and Jeff Stone, co-directors of the religious school at Reform Congregation Beth Shalom in Bloomington, Ind., also make tikkun olam a family activity. For many years, the Stone family, including Kate, 21, and Gregory, 12, has delivered meals to the elderly on Christmas Day. DarrellAnn also transmitted her enthusiasm for volunteering at a local shelter for abused women to Kate, and Gregory helped his dad, a skilled carpenter, make repairs at an African American church on Martin Luther King Day. "At the end of the day, Gregory felt really good about what we had done," Jeff says. "And I was able to share some 'do it yourself skills' with my son."

Often, families create their own projects, but many synagogues also make community service a formal part of religious education. Temple Sinai of Washington, D.C., for example, requires Bar/Bat Mitzvah candidates to perform 12 projects from a variety of categories, including "v'ahavta l'reyacha" (loving one's neighbor), tzedakah (righteous giving), and "gemilut hasadim" (acts of loving kindness). Thirteen-year old Avi Wolfman of Takoma Park, Md., who became a Bar Mitzvah at Temple Sinai on March 10, 2001, devised a "v'ahavta l'reyacha" project for his entire family after his mother, Shereen Arent, suggested that they use plants instead of cut flowers for table centerpieces at the luncheon following his Bar Mitzvah service. Avi readily agreed, taking the suggestion one step further. Why not reassemble on the day after the luncheon to create a garden with the plants? Avi's mother made a few calls and found a site behind Sinai House, a transitional housing project for formerly homeless families, affiliated with the temple. His uncle, a professional landscape designer in Philadelphia, provided guidance on appropriate plants, soil preparation, and design, and his younger sister and grandparents helped with the planting.

"The first thing I wanted to do as an adult in the Jewish community is to help others," Avi told me. "Planting this garden will be what makes me and my family remember my Bar Mitzvah as a Jewish event," he says.

Abby Kerbel of Rockville, MD, also incorporated community service into her Bat Mitzvah celebration at Ohr Kodesh Synagogue in December, 2000. Inspired by her Torah portion, Vayishlach (which includes the rape of Dinah), she decided to collect used cell phones and donate them to the Montgomery County Sheriff's Office for distribution to victims of domestic violence for emergency 911 calls. She enlisted her parents, Judy and Steve Kerbel, her 9-year old sister, and her classmates in the effort, too.

Marouni of Houston was searching for a meaningful community service project for his Bar Mitzvah at B'rith Shalom last year when his mother, Linda read an article about the Garden of Eatin'. This organic community garden was the brainchild of Marshall Levit--who for an Eagle Scout project in 1992, converted a grassy spot next to Congregation Beth Yeshurun's parking lot to grow fresh fruits and vegetables for local food pantries. Although Oren knew nothing about gardening, he was immediately taken with the idea of taking care of the garden while Marshall was away at college.

"The first time Oren and I planted seeds in the Garden of Eatin'," recalls Linda Marouni, "we practically danced around the beds, praying that the seeds would grow. We hoped for rain. We felt we were working with God in a kind of partnership," she says. Linda and Oren go there at least twice a week to water, weed, mulch, fertilize, or harvest.

Jack Segal, who recently retired as rabbi of Beth Yeshurun, is pleased that the Marouni family is carrying on the project started by a congregant. "It is our duty as Jews to extend ourselves to help others," he says, citing Leviticus 19:18 ("Love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord"). "The last phrase -- which is usually omitted in common parlance -- means that before you can love God, you must love and help your neighbor." "And, what could be better," asks Rachel Kesselman, "than children and parents coming together, as Jews, to fulfill their obligation to the community?"