Children Want to Be the Center of Their Parent’s World, Not of Their Argument

This gentle reminder to divorced parents is written in the center of the business card for S.P.E.A.K. Co-Parenting Facilitation. It is their central purpose. S.P.E.A.K., an acronym for their ultimate goal, “Seek Peaceful Ends for Adults and Kids” is a service offered to divorced parents who won’t, don’t or can’t speak peacefully with their ex-spouse about parenting, schooling, finances, or any other issues that come up in their attempts to parent their children together from different households.

“It is just so heart-breaking,” says the founder of S.P.E.A.K., a frum woman who prefers her name remain anonymous, “to see frum parents who say they want only the best for their children, but who feel they have no choice but to involve the children in conversations or problems that should remain between their two biological parents. I just felt I had to do something to keep the children out of the middle.”

The “What We Do” section of S.P.E.A.K.’s brochure explains, “We bring a sense of control to otherwise out of control interactions. We step in between parents to communicate effectively where the parties are unable to do so.” What does that mean in plain English? It’s really quite simple. If there is a message you need to get to your ex (i.e. the child support check was due a week ago, I need to switch visitation from Wednesday to Tuesday, Basi needs new shoes, etc.) just call your S.P.E.A.K. Co-Parenting Facilitator and they will call your ex and relay the message or work out the details and call you back with the outcome.

The result? Less frustration for the parents and, much more importantly, the children are allowed to enjoy their childhood and guilt-free, loving relationships with both of their parents.

Co-Parenting Facilitation isn’t about teaching parents how to speak softly and play nice. The founder, not only a stepdaughter to the woman she lovingly and gratefully calls Mom, but also a stepmother with a background in Family Law Mediation, believes that those who can be pleasant with one another, already are. “There is a reason these couples aren’t married anymore. We aren’t trying to convince parents to like their ex” she says, “we are offering them communication with enough distance that the anger and frustration wanes so they can allow their children to have an open, warm and loving relationship with both of their parents.”

The brochure offers a bit of understanding to parents who sometimes feel resentful or vengeful. “When things aren’t fair in our eyes, when someone isn’t doing what we think they should in a given situation, it is natural to want to punish them.” It may be natural but, as one facilitator says, “People often act against their ex without realizing that they are hurting their children.”

The benefits are greater than not having to deal with your children’s other parent. As an orthodox run business, with only orthodox facilitators, S.P.E.A.K. is familiar with the issues that come up in frum life. They understand halacha and the importance of beis din rulings. Further, this nationwide service, done totally over the phone or email, gives clients the comfort of knowing they won’t run into (or at least be recognized by) their facilitator at a simcha, store or in shul.

To get a brochure, find out more about S.P.E.A.K.’s services, or arrange an interview, please email WeSpeak4u@aol.com or call our office at 212-55-SPEAK.